Pennsylvania Senator Pat Toomey has reportedly developed a supremely small growth on his pelvis believed to be a dick following his ‘no’ vote on President Trump’s latest budget that includes a $17 billion increase on military spending.
“Will you look at that,” said Monroeville resident Bruce Tillman, reading Sen. Toomey’s numerous social media posts chronicling the recent formation of his extremely diminutive genitalia. “I always thought he was a real dickless shit-for-brains after his empty platitudes supporting Betsy DeVos, not to mention his cowering to pressure from the Oval Office despite his claims to stand by his convictions. But maybe he’s got the littlest of piss and vinegar in him after all.”
Senator Toomey is expected to share more details about the alleged extremity in a press conference later today. However, it remains unknown whether the purported dick will ever lead his growing a spine.
