Penguins goalie Mutt Murray returned to practice today in a non-contact bubble designed to protect him from any collision, puck, minor inconsistency in the ice surface, airborne illness, or slight breeze that could cause injury.
“Listen, I know it’s going to be hard to get the puck past a giant bubble, but we need to do what’s best for Matt,” coach Mike Sullivan reportedly told the players during their workout today. “Honestly, even with that contraption, I would prefer you don’t even shoot the puck on net. Everybody tell him they’re trying a new blade out or something.”
“Like, seriously. Don’t even fucking breathe on him,” he added.
Dana Heinze noted that the team had considered alternative measures before deciding on the dense plastic bubble.
“We tried having [Murray] wear a special jersey made of Kevlar,” said Heinze, dropping a medieval-style breastplate the equipment staff had deemed too heavy into the garbage. “But he said something about the smell was making him lightheaded, so we didn’t want to risk it. Then we figured we would just give him a handgun full of blanks — that way, the guys would just steer clear of him — but he accidentally fired off a round and the recoil made the thing smack him right in the head.”
NHL goaltending supervisor Kay Whitmore insisted that the new protective gear would not be allowed for game use due to the competitive advantage its size would provide. After watching recent tape of the Penguins defense, however, Whitmore admitted that concern may be moot.
