The local man violently demanding a refund from the manager of sports betting at Rivers Casino just hours after its grand opening has become the odds-on favorite to be the same individual Pittsburgh police officers are actively looking for, according to sources within the casino.
“I’ll tell you what: it’s quite a competitive field out there with the one lady beating the shit out of the slot machine and the one guy anxiously loitering around the restrooms,” said visitor Samantha Gould, as the unnamed man in a Ben Roethlisberger jersey attempted to explain how the casino should therefore reimburse him for $2,000 in losses.
“I was going to double down on the dude walking around in a trench coat asking if people wanted ‘any of the good stuff,’ but after I got some inside information that they were just Flintstones chewables, I started to think this drunk guy railing into the manager has to be the one who will come out on top — in handcuffs.”
“Frequent” bettor Frank Rhodes has avoided making any wagers, though he enjoys watching the action unfold. He believes that it’s anyone’s game once the police arrive, as several dark horses might emerge upon the change of conditions.
“You think you’ve got your pick all squared away when the cops show up,” he said. “And then, out of nowhere, some guy tries to walk in with a handgun in plain sight or, worse yet, a Ravens jersey and a fight breaks out. Now with this new sports betting opened up, it’s created a lot of parity when it comes to who’s about get arrested around here.”
Members of building security were impressed that the expected front-runner got such a favorable reaction so quickly.
“When you’ve got the family of a 86-year-old woman last seen telling jokes to a slot machine because she hasn’t taken her meds in 48 hours, it’s hard to attract the attention of incoming police,” said Miguel Herrera. “He went through 15 Iron City pounders in less than three hours: that’s over 1.3 ounces per minute — one of the best figures I’ve seen in a while. We’ll just have to see where things go from here.”
As of press time, numerous parties were reportedly demanding all related bets be called off after officers began to brandish their tasers.
