Former WTAE anchor Wendy Bell reportedly drove a dump truck full of stones to her new glass house in KDKA radio’s studio this morning in preparation for her position as co-host of the station’s afternoon show that begins after the new year.
“You can never be too ready,” said Bell, issuing commands to immigrant workers she hired whose plight she hoped to parlay into a self-glorifying social media post to be made early next week. “It seems crazy, but if I get on a roll, I could go through half this pile in just one radio broadcast. I’ve done it before for Pittsburgh’s sake and I can’t wait for the chance to do it again.”
Bell admitted that she will still need time to transition to casting stones on the airwaves, no matter how thoroughly she prepares.
“It’s an entirely different medium for passing judgment,” she said. “It’s not like on TV where I can say things and then make that face — a 21-time Emmy award-winning face, might I add — where everybody can infer the exact level of self-righteousness loaded into my statement. Luckily, [co-host] Marty Griffin has worked with me on how to inflect in just the right way so as to remind listeners of their own nagging mother.”
As of press time, Bell was drafting her first controversial Facebook post since leaving Channel 4, in which she develops a “mental sketch” of the troubled individuals who still regularly listen to KDKA radio.
