Local paranormal experts were finally able to defeat the evil spirit that has ominously lingered over Pitt’s Oakland campus since 2016, sources inside the Peterson Event Center confirmed last night.
“Jesus, that foul spirit must have put up a hell of a fight,” said fan Rob Stoner, who noticed that the ghost’s disappearance seemed to align perfectly with the end of Pitt’s 89-86 win over ACC opponent Louisville. “Not sure how else you explain going under 50 percent at the free throw line without the gruesome influence of a loud and clearly incompetent evil entity. And when our last big guy fouled out late in game, I thought we might just be stuck with that ugly thing forever.”
As of press time, university administrators had reportedly commissioned the experts to remove the ghost on the other side of campus that won’t stop screaming about “high-octane football.”
