Bills QB Josh Allen canceled a rush delivery order of several books on the topic of conflict resolution this morning after reports surfaced that Steelers WR Antonio Brown had blocked a trade to Buffalo, sources sighing in relief recently reported.
“Deep breaths, deep breaths,” said Allen, standing in the shower to counteract the excessive perspiration and resulting body odor that had developed since last night. “I guess I should probably try to get my money back for the master class on de-escalation techniques and that MMA fighting course, too.”
Allen grew concerned with other measures he took in anticipation of Brown’s potential arrival.
“Shit, I hope I didn’t put a return address on that welcoming basket I sent him,” said a still occasionally hyperventilating Allen. “Why the hell did I think Antonio Brown would even like decorative soaps? Not to mention the four hours I spent last night liking every single one of Instagram posts. Maybe I should go an undo all of them before I head to the weight room.”
Representatives from Brown’s camp maintained that there is “nothing but respect” for Allen, unless he takes back his likes on Brown’s Instagram photos, in which case the mercurial WR will “crack that hick fuck straight in his jaw.”
