Mt. Washington resident and “pure-bred Irish sweet talker” Mac Moore managed to charm his way into a disorderly conduct charge this morning during the city’s St. Patrick’s Day celebration, astounded friends of the 33-year-old confirmed.
“Mac just has this deeply rooted magic,” said Dom Cercone, who had reportedly worried that Moore’s discussion with Pittsburgh Police would end in a civil resolution. “When cops say anything to me, I freeze right up before I can even raise my voice or take a swing at them. Not him, though: I don’t know anybody else who could’ve thought to combine all those words with ‘sucker’ and ‘fucker,’ let alone that series of offensive gestures he made while having the citation written.”
Members of Pittsburgh Police, many of whom are familiar with Moore’s affinity for wonderfully crafted incendiary language, felt obliged to commend his work yet again.
“The guy is always finding new offensive turns of phrase or angles that he knows will push our buttons,” said officer Marcy Samuels. “Just when I’m going to let Mac go because he has said worse and there’s other issues to handle, he goes on and makes some whimsically abhorrent comments about my vagina and I end up pulling out my taser on sheer instinct. What can I say? He’s got a gift.”
As of press time, Moore was reportedly using his talent in spoken word to take a minor verbal disagreement and escalate it into a full-blown display of physical assault.
