The Norman family of Edgewood attended Kennywood’s opening day for season pass members this morning to mark another year of wishing they had planned a trip to Disney World instead, sources trying to sound happy confirmed.
“I can’t believe it’s here already,” said 11-year-old Samantha Norman. “It seemed like yesterday that me and my brother were on that bench in front of the Turtle, looking at Instagram stories of our friends’ whose families actually go to the Disney resort — or at least the beach. I just hope dad didn’t bring a scoreboard with him this year to keep track of how many times each color of the Racer ‘won.'”
Samantha’s brother, Rob, cataloged some “events” that he expected to happen before the family heads home several hours later than everybody hoped.
“I’m sure mom will kick things off by explaining how Kennywood’s hometown feel is so much better than ‘those busy commercial parks that are only in it for profit,'” he contended. “One hour later, we’ll feast on a pound of those grease fries and nacho cheese. Then, as things start to die down, I’m sure dad will save the day by forcing us to have a round-robin tournament at the squirt gun races.”
“I just want a fucking picture with Goofy,” he added.
Father Mark Norman understands why his kids focus on the short term. That said, he enjoys the annual trip from its conception.
“I get it: kids are all about what ride is disappointing them now and trying to figure out which attraction to be disappointed by next,” he said, posing for one of several photos in which he had to threaten his family with season passes in perpetuity if they didn’t smile. “For me, though, that sense of letdown creeps in the second I realize we don’t even have the finances to muster a trip to Cedar Point, let alone Disney World. When Sandy and I get into a huge shouting match over our family always being inferior to the Parkers next door, I can feel that Kennywood magic right in my stomach.”
“Have to enjoy it while it lasts,” he continued. “Next thing you know, it’ll be time for our yearly trip to the Schenley ice rink in below-zero weather when we all wish I had taken that job in North Carolina instead.”
