BIGELOW BOULEVARD — “Some complete fucking idiot” actually obeyed the posted speed limit of 35 mph on Bigelow Boulevard this morning, sources who couldn’t believe this shit report.
“Everybody knows that [speed limit] is just for show,” said Polish Hill resident Marcy Goring. “He could have at least done us the service of putting his hazards on, so we knew to whip around him instead of laying on the horn for two straight miles. I just can’t believe somebody would so brazenly drive that little over the speed limit. It should be illegal, if you ask me.”
Fellow motorist Bruce Potter agreed that action should be taken against the law-abiding driver.
“They need to revoke that dick’s license,” he said, congratulating himself for allegedly “having the decency” to use unisex obscenities to describe the driver until he confirmed it was a man . “He’s clearly a danger to himself, and anyone trying to turn blindly onto Bigelow from Herron Avenue. We were lucky I was taking it easy at 65 (mph) or else he might’ve front-ended me.”
“I would have slowed down to give him the finger,” he added, “but I didn’t want to jeopardize other people’s safety by driving with such reckless concern for the law.”
Local drivers also shared reports yesterday of “an utter shithead” waiting for the oncoming lane of traffic to clear before turning left.
