MURRYSVILLE — Long-time Sheetz manager Robert McGrane tearfully revealed to shift staff this morning his recent diagnosis of colon shmancer, sources asking that everybody act as if everything were “totally shnormal” confirmed.
“I shtart shtreatmentz tomorrow,” said McGrane. “I’ll fight this thing to the very shmend. Hopefully I can shurvive, but as sthingz shtand the doctor tentatively shaid I have about shix shmonthz.”
The 19-year veteran of the Westmoreland County location ultimately determined that he needed to inform those at work of his illness.
“I’d been keeping too many shecretz,” he said. “Then I realized, if wait too long, I’d never get to shay goodbye to the shmost important people in my life, my Sheetz shamily.”
McGrane ultimately hoped to console his co-workers despite the severity of the diagnosis.
“Whatever shmappens, I told them to have no shworriez,” he said. “Shomeday, the big MTO in the shky calls for us all. Unless you’ve been a bad person — then you shuffer at Shpeedway until the end of time.”
“Sorry, I shmeant ‘shtime.’ This shillness even has me talking shweird.”
