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CLEVELAND — Some total jag Browns fan unsurprisingly also likes that gross-ass Hunt’s ketchup, according to sources who probably love other terrible stuff, too.
“Man, I can’t get enough of the Browns,” said the jag, who didn’t provide his name because he finally realized how embarrassed he should be to like two of the world’s worst things. “And when I watch the game, there’s nothing better to put on tater tots,” or whatever crap they eat down there, “than some runny, funny-tasting Hunt’s Ketchup. It’s like the two were a match made in the awful version of heaven for us Cleveland people.”
His jag Browns fan friends wouldn’t admit to liking that shitty ketchup, but they did say they liked other junk.
“Did you ever realize how good generic, non-Mrs. T’s brand name pierogis were,” this other guy somehow said with a straight face. “It’s definitely my go-to food when I’m watching the best sports league of all: the NBA.”
A psychiatrist explained how these people were all messed in the head.
“Yeah, all them years of losing has shaken a couple screws loose,” he said. “Probably something in the water, too. You just never know in Cleveland. Sometimes, I still see people wearing Tim Couch jerseys, and I just hope they can get the help they need.”
As of press time, that jag who likes Hunt’s ordered a salad and didn’t ask for fries on it.
