MARS — Hall-of-fame Penguins broadcaster Mike Lange reportedly expressed confusion and dismay yesterday after realizing team staff had pulled him from his cryogenic chamber in July instead of September.
“Rip out the carpet and put down the coasters — the boys seemed to haul me out earlier than usual,” he said, donning his thin-rimmed glasses. “I knew something felt off when I wanted a cigar more than a pot of coffee and plate of hash browns. Listen, fellas, if you don’t have a good reason or a glass of scotch waiting for me, then we’re going to have some words that wouldn’t make it on the air.”
In related news, sources say long-time Steelers broadcaster Bill Hilgrove also appeared confused and hungover this morning when team staff tried to get him out of bed even though it wasn’t “even two in the afternoon yet.”
