ON A RAGING SEA BACK TO THE MEDITERRANEAN — The final cancellation of Little Italy Days has forced “100% full-blooded” Neapolitan kettle corn vendor Pepe Verratti to abandon his dream of serving the family’s world-famous goods at “the world’s most authentic Italian heritage festival” and seek out the first merchant ship back home, disappointed sources confirm.
“Nana and Papa make-a the kettle corn-a ever since I little boy,” said Verratti. “One day, they give me best pot to cook it in — was clay pot from Roman time — and say, ‘Pepe, you go to Pittsburgh and sell-a the kettle corn at biggest and realest Italian festival in all the world!'”
“I so excited,” he continued, “I-a call next morning. They tell me to come, set up for the fee. Next to Pella Window. Ah bella Pella! But now Pepe need fix no broken window, but-a broken heart.”
Verratti explained how the annual celebration’s commitment to representing his native land and its culture is what thrilled him most.
“Nana and papa tell-a me new story every night by the fire,” he said. “Of Frankie Valli cover band and authentic appearance by-a Donnie Iris. I hardly can believe. ‘Festival have cannoli, gutter replacement company, and $16 frozen cocktails in giant novelty to-go cup — just like the Old World!’ they say. Now I think I never get a giant plate of Sicilian fried rice. Much sadness.”
As of press time, sources say the ship Verratti took had to stop to resolve an excessive weight issue, having reportedly found 27 Caliente employees hidden among their cargo nervously insisting their pizza was the best in America.
(Article by Brian Sloover http://sloover.com)
