SHADYSIDE — Pittsburgh law firm Ferris, Ferris, Ferris and Klein faced controversy today for “a reckless disregard for commercialism,” reportedly avoiding obnoxious television and radio ads in favor of a tasteful brick and glass facade adorned with the firm’s name as the only indication that the reputable legal business even exists.
“Look, I got my third DUI hearing coming up,” said Swissvale resident Harold Foust. “Who do you think I’m gonna choose to represent me: the ones who clearly stated they have my back and not my wallet or these unpredictable jokers no one’s ever even heard of in 85 years of providing quality legal counsel? It’s like they suddenly want me to ‘do research’ instead of calling the first guy I see on bus shelter just because I’m at risk of losing my livelihood.”
Jill Redmond, a registered nurse from Dormont, echoed Foust’s sentiments.
“Whatever happened to having a little pride?” she asked. “My lawyer’s on WTAE around the clock. He fights for the little guy. He has a Hurtline you can call or text 24/7 from any hospital long as he ain’t been barred there. You go ahead and try to convince me to hire some guys who dress like overly-educated elitist when mine dresses like Indiana Jones. Ain’t gonna happen.”
Southside bartender Frank Wittles cited a lack of radio presence for the firm’s suspicious reputation.
“I got DVE on in the bar all day long and the car radio tuned to The Fan whenever I’m driving,” he said. “So why have I never heard of ‘em? That ain’t right. It’s easy, really: when you can rhyme ‘Mesothelioma’ with ‘Make them really owe ya,’ you got my business, pal. Case closed.”
When reached for comment, local sources say Ferris, Ferris, Ferris and Klein “pathetically” stated they were more “focused on serving the needs of their clients and upholding the law in their benefit,” not referencing a single “arbiter of justice” on the Steelers defense.
(Article by Lance Pierce)
