BROOKLINE — Local man Ryan Woodward, 46, has campaigned heavily around the neighborhood this week to ensure that trick-or-treaters only take as many cans of beer as they feel capable of drinking from the two 30-packs of IC Light he intends to leave on his steps Saturday evening, according to sources glad they “did the right the thing.”
“Hate to sound like a old man, but it’s usually a few greedy teenagers who swoop in during the first hour and ruin it for everybody else,” said Woodward who plans to follow up with neighbors on how well young people seemed to adhere to his suggested limit of “as many beers as you can pound on an average Wednesday.” “Sure, they’ll brag about snagging a cooler full, but then they get sick after only two or three and their mom has to take the rest to give away at work.”
The long-time resident explained that his motivation stems from disappointment he experienced the first year he passed out beverages on Halloween.
“Had this kid come late at night, all decked out as Iron Man,” he said. “It was the comic book character, but I could read between the lines. That grin said, ‘Pass me a cold one, chief.’ Damn hooligans raided my reserves just 10 minutes prior, so I had to give him a Bud Light. The dad was so mad they stormed off and didn’t even take the beer with them.”
Woodward’s neighbors had mixed opinions about his good intentions.
“It’s nice to see somebody who cares so much,” said mother of three Melanie Waltz. “It’s just, I don’t need to make my candy check harder by making sure he didn’t sneak in an airplane bottle of peppermint schnapps or can of Skoal.”
As of press time, Woodward was reportedly surprising neighbors in the direct vicinity of his home by dropping off cards that included a “king-sized” 40 oz. of American Light.
