FRANKLIN PARK — Local resident Roger Whitmore, 63, wondered aloud this morning whether PennDOT drivers “actually do any damn work” after looking out his living room window for 12 seconds without seeing a single plow pass, according to retired sources who wished they “could get paid to do nothing.”
“Figures,” said Whitmore, shaking his head at the thin layer of slush covering his suburban plan’s road. “Here we average Joes are, trying to navigate an Arctic tundra, and those good-for-nothing PennDOT stooges are probably stuffing their face with fast food my taxes paid for. It wouldn’t kill them to put in an honest day’s work — or take care of my driveway, while they’re at it. Did I mention I pay taxes?”
Whitmore insisted the “troubling” absence of state-issued road crews affected more than just his immediate field of vision.
“Hawkeye and Sarge haven’t heard a peep, either,” he said, citing neighbors Bill Atwater, 57, and Robert Sullivan, 70. “Hawkeye’s got ears like a bat, so if he didn’t hear any signs of plows when walking the dog around the block, then that means we could have streets of unchecked slippery hell from here to Rochester Road and to me, an upstanding taxpayer, that’s unacceptable.”
“At this rate, the Lexus dealer will be lucky to make it up the hill with my new sedan, let alone into my — need I remind anyone — completely buried driveway,” he added.
As of press time, sources say Whitmore was en route to file a complaint in person with the nearest PennDOT office, honking excessively for the plow truck clearing the left lane of I-79 to “get the fuck out of the way.”
