OVERBROOK — Pens fan Joe Morries officially ended 19 years of animosity today by removing the “off” duct-taped to his Jagr jersey after the star’s contentious departure to the Washington Capitals in 2001, according to sources who hope the 48-year-old Czech didn’t take the threatening letters made of Shop n’ Save clippings too hard.
“2020’s been a tough year for everybody,” Morris stated in a live Facebook video this morning during which he performed the removal. “About time me and that beautiful mullet bury the hatchet for good and move on, together, towards a better future.
“I’m sure it’s been bugging him as much as it has me,” he added with no evidence whatsoever. “You learn to read between the lines: when he says he has ‘no idea’ who I am, but sends me an autographed picture in response to a letter announcing my intentions to pardon him, that’s the big guy saying, ‘We’re good, hoss.'”
As of press time, Morris had reportedly tried to come up with a tune celebrating his exoneration of the all-time great. Sources say he has quickly given up, however, after struggling to find any rhymes for Jagr’s name beyond “jagger” and “dagger.”
