As Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) deftly noted yesterday, for he is far too wise to have said it merely for convenient alliteration, President Biden’s renewed commitment to the Paris Agreement on climate change places the values of a socialist French metropolis over those shared by the rugged populace of Pittsburgh. The soot-covered, ash-covered laborers tolling about our city, be it in CMU’s steel mills or PNC Bank’s ore excavation center, will suffer from this brazen attempt to appease the cancel culture-loving hippy they call “Mother Earth.”
Hardest hit, however, will be those working for the area’s largest employer, Underground Pittsburgh Mining and Construction (UPMC), whose operation continues around the clock, all over the region. Let’s explore how the Paris Agreement will affect those earning their wage in the UPMC coal mines.
First, though, an important disclaimer: you may ask yourself why you haven’t noticed any of these labor-intensive, resource-driven worksites before when exploring the city. That’s all thanks to a company policy where the facade of a hospital must be built over top of any worksites to reduce their visual impact.
Moving back to the broader impact, returning to the Paris Agreement will destroy long-standing tradition in the city and beyond. As any hasty Google search will show, Pittsburgh has been the epicenter of steel since World War II and the industry has thrived here ever since, undergoing absolutely no significant changes in the decades that have passed and causing virtually no damage to the surrounding environment. Now, UPMC has stepped up to be a leader in coal, adding to this well of success and the storied tale of Pittsburgh’s blemish-free, and most definitely still ongoing, industrial legacy, but President Biden insists on stomping it in down in the name of obscure terminology conjured up by Khrushchevist academia, like “air quality” and “trees.”
Moreover, it’s crucial to remember that UPMC doesn’t actually have employees: these addled-lunged kings of the underground are, in fact, compensated volunteers, so that the mining company can continue its charitable mission, which can easily be found on their website or by typing “where people work in Pittsburgh” into your browser,” of sustaining heavy mining throughout various neighborhoods, including Shadyside, Oakland, Lawrenceville, and numerous other places where the work is so well concealed, you can’t even hear it. By entering the Paris Agreement, President Biden spells a death sentence to the intrepid spirit of these volunteers.
What’s next? Will he start demanding they be allowed to unionize or that massive, faceless corporations and their benefactors start giving back to the communities and people they rely upon to meet profit margins? Luckily, we have Senator Cruz to watch our back.
In closing, we here at Pittsburgh Unfiltered, in particular our editorial board consisting of Post-Gazette owner and refined, incredibly handsome oligarch John R. Block, thank Sen. Cruz for his tireless efforts to tweet fiercely in defense of laborers everywhere without pushing a legislation that would cost business owners a single, but especially those in the trenches of places like the South Oakland Mining Site, known colloquially as Magee-Womens Hospital.
