SPRING HILL – Local elementary school janitor Herb Grobowski reportedly used seven miles of orange traffic cones to block off a student’s vomit puddle which itself measured approximately one foot in circumference, confused sources report.
“I worked for PennDOT for twenty years before coming here, so I feel like a lot of the skills I gained were directly applicable to this job,” Grobowski said. “The second I saw that I needed to clean up the small patch of floor in the hallway just outside the art classroom, I automatically referred to my training and blocked off the space necessary for me to sprinkle on some sawdust before putting the mop to it. I’m eternally grateful to the training I received at PennDOT for helping me get my work done so quickly and efficiently.”
Fourth grade teacher Eileen Chung reacted to Grobowski’s methods with equal parts surprise and frustration.
“I really don’t understand why this much barren space needs to be reserved for such a small area of work,” Chung complained. “I tried to walk my class to the cafeteria, and instead we’ve had to squeeze into single file while snaking back and forth through seemingly unending corridors of those cones. Where was he even keeping them, anyway? There must be thousands of them. At any rate, we don’t have time in our day for a two-hour walk to get lunch. This is just not a feasible situation.”
Principal Geraldine Leed weighed in on the ordeal.
“I’m going to have to sit down and have a chat with Herb about his approach to his work,” Leed sighed. “I’ve heard nothing but complaints from the staff since he took over our custodial duties. Apparently one line of kids made it through all seven miles of cones, only to see him idly texting on his phone next to the vomit puddle. At the very least, I’m thinking about instituting a training program for new janitors so they don’t end up using methods learned from their prior vocations. We might put up with this approach on the turnpike, but we have to draw the line here.”
At press time, Grobowski was put on administrative leave after offering to keep the cones up for three months before addressing the vomit puddle.
(Article by Steve Packosky)
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