WEST MIFFLIN — Calling the experience “more ass than the Steelers offense,” high school sophomore Bobby Kline has spent the last two hours avoiding remote learning assignments by carving the decal of radio station 102.5 WDVE into his Chromebook, according to sources who told him to cover the damage with a sticker because they sure as shit ain’t paying the insurance on it.
“It’s just algebra and a writing prompt, honey,” Kline’s mother Samantha said in an attempt to encourage him. “If you can spend four hours making a video breaking Jonnu Smith’s missed route and how the Steelers can improve their middle distance play calling schemes, you can solve for ‘x’ and explain a recent challenge you overcame in four or more sentences. Why not write about finding the right conditioner to keep your mullet smooth without feeling like a ‘jag wuss’?”
As of press time, Kline had reportedly shifted his evasive efforts to the bathroom where he was trying to blow cigarette smoke out a crack in the window. Enraged sources were headed to the area to confirm on the grounds they “ain’t made of goddamn money” and prefer he just smoke on the back porch like usual.
