PITTSBURGH INTERNATIONAL — Local man Mark McCall, 42, was reportedly able to provide his three kids significantly more details about Steelers running back Franco Harris than first President of the United States George Washington when passing their statues this morning at Pittsburgh International Airport.
“I can’t believe how cool it was to learn about January 12, 1974 when Franco Harris steamrolled the Vikings for 158 yards and a touchdown on 34 carries,” said McCall’s daughter Eliza, 11, finishing the five pages of notes on Harris and three bullet points surrounded by question marks on Washington she planned to show her social studies teacher. “I also learned that George Washington once chopped down a cherry tree and called it macaroni, though dad said we had to hurry to the gate before I could ask why.”
McCall’s wife Sarah “was thrilled” at first by her husband’s exuberance before realizing he could only share meaningful details to their children about the Steelers great.
“When I heard words like ‘transcendent’ and ‘exemplary,'” she said, “I figured Mark was talking about some of the great leaders who forged our nation, not Harris’s performance in a 90s natural gas commercial that he had memorized. At the very least, I thought he had enough regard for history that he could tell the difference between ‘Tommy J’ and ‘George Dubb.'”
“Also, I’m absolutely certain that no dialogue among the Founding Fathers involved calling one another ‘chief’ or ‘big hoss.'”
Sources close to McCall say he is currently explaining “in painstaking detail” the circumstances that led the Steelers to draft Troy Polamalu in 2003, having abandoned his earlier attempts to explain those that led to the Civil War, Vietnam War, or he and his wife getting married.
