Local country fan Taylor Winters recovered from a several-year alcoholic haze spanning back to the 2018 Kenny Chesney show just in time this afternoon to have Heinz Field staff deny him entry to today’s concert due to excessive intoxication, sources relieved he appears to be breathing confirmed.
“I hadn’t seen or heard from Taylor since the last Kenny concert,” said Winters’ friend Kiley Grahame, unsure if the blood on his shirt was from a four-man brawl Winters started four years or 45 minutes ago. “Then he popped up in the bed of my sister’s truck and started pouring spiced rum down my shirt like he hadn’t skipped a beat. Before I could even ask what he’s been doing for the past few years, though, he was already being told he wasn’t allowed inside after the security people saw him chugging Bud Light Limes from the trash.”
Several employees at parking lots on the North Shore verified Winters’ presence around the stadium in the time between concerts.
“Oh yeah, he’s the dude who was sleeping in the back of that Jeep for three straight months,” said attendant Laura Shipman. “He’d wake up when it was dark out, look around a bit, and then start pounding Fireball and eating leftover taco dip until he passed back out. Honestly, I figured he might get tossed from this concert, too, so I’ve already got a fresh bottle and pack of tortilla chips waiting for him.”
As of press time, Winters was reportedly able to stop slurring just in time to call the medical staff trying to help him a buzzkill.
