As the father of two young children, I’ve learned to think proactively. Taking a trip, having guests, any potential kinks to the routine — you just get an inkling for what’s going to stir the pot, so to speak. That’s why, when I look ahead to my kids’ future, I can’t help but be absolutely terrified. That’s right, I’m afraid that my children will live in a world where they will call Eli Manning ‘the football one’ of the family. Even now, I shudder.
Yeah, sure, Eli has had a decent career: two Super Bowls, defeating the Patriots both times; more than 50,000 yards passing, 300 touchdowns; generally, a winning career. But that doesn’t mean any father should have to hear his children utter these words while watching TV: “Oh, that guy on the Nationwide commercial — his brother is the good football guy, right?” I’d almost rather feed them Papa John’s pizza.
Come on, more than 70,000 yards, 521 touchdowns — that’s more than twice as many picks he’s thrown. On what planet should a man have to witness his offspring overlook this litany of accomplishments in favor of Peyton’s near-Neanderthal sibling who was the runt of his QB class, let alone his family? Christ, Coop probably could’ve stood behind center and put up numbers like Eli. Philip Rivers did and not even San Diego gave a shit about the Chargers.
Think about it: how would you feel about your daughter going to school only to come home and tell you hoe she read about Eli Manning, the ‘football one’ or, worse yet, the ‘football star,’ completely unaware of Peyton’s field general presence, meticulous attention to detail, and the even the fact that the Colts were 2-14 in 2011 when he missed out with a neck injury, nearly garnering MVP consideration despite not playing? I don’t know about you, but I love my children, and this is not the world I want for them.
Listen, we have unleashed countless evils upon an entire generation, destroying the planet beyond repair, perpetuating an economy that requires oceans of debt to succeed, and instigating new reasons to have our children sent off to kill or be killed in foreign lands. But nobody should have to endure those words that cut any parent to the utter core: “We’re sorry to have to tell you this, but your child thinks Eli Manning was a generational talent at quarterback.”
Except, of course, for Cowboys fans, but I figured it was a given we were talking about actual human beings.
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