Recent ads commissioned by the Post-Gazette indicate the start of the publication’s long-term plan to transition from being a shitty print newspaper to a shitty digital newspaper, Block Communications chairman Allan Block confirmed today.
“Costs keep rising, and it’s just not financially viable to keep churning out the same garbage rag you always have,” said Block, claiming he’ll “sorely miss” the warmth of freshly printed shit journalism as more papers move to a digital format. “I don’t want our dedicated readers to worry, though — we’ll still be providing the city with the same low-quality pandering centrist news coverage as always, whether it’s in print or on an iPad.”
Block continued to emphasize that the change in platform in no way suggested greater changes to the Post-Gazette’s material as a whole.
“That’s right, you’ll still have access to your favorite shitty features, woefully underwhelming coverage of local elections and candidates, and let’s not forgot our pathetic board editorials supporting the re-election of spineless politicians like Senator Pat Toomey. Still plenty of those bad boys.”
“In fact, our digital platform runs so smoothly, I hope readers will wonder why they waited so long to make the switch — ideally instead of wondering why we fired our long-tenured political cartoonist with no viable explanation or how we’ve managed to keep competent writers like Gene Collier and Tony Norman from accepting work literally anywhere else.”
When reached for comment, competitor Trib Total Media reminded Pittsburghers that it’s “been putting complete shit on the internet” since moving to an all-digital format in 2016.
