As a guy from State College, I’ve seen the extreme ends of convenience store loyalty. Parties I’ve gone to have nearly burst into all-out civil war at the suggestion that Sheetz or Wawa puts together a superior Nacho Grande to the other.
Now, finally, I think I’ve helped settle this age-old battle once for all.
Let’s face it: at times like this, everybody is forced to make sacrifices. For instance, I haven’t pounded on the door of the Ratskeller and tried to force my way in for at least two days now. So when all the chips are down, explain this to me: if Wawa were really better than Sheetz, then why would I, somebody who just tested positive for COVID-19, insist on walking and getting this MTO?
It just doesn’t make any sense, and I think my compulsion to act against all federal, medical, and statewide precautions for $20 of junk food demonstrates at last who the true king of delicious is.
I mean, honestly, do you see anybody at Wawa feel like they have to disregard numerous warnings and angry messages from friends and family to land some sweet-ass pork tacos? I highly doubt it. In fact, I bet they would balk the very second their significant other in the passenger seat threatened to end the relationship over it.
Logically, there just has to be a reason I feel compelled to come in here and handle all the drink products I probably won’t buy while waiting to grab a couple quesadillas and breakfast shmagelz. I could cook this kind of stuff at home, so why, after being found to carry a virus causing worldwide panic, would I risk a decade-long relationship with my roommates to cough on my hands and wipe it on the side of the MTO order kiosk?
Obviously it’s not something like laziness or privilege. It mus be something deeper, something at my core. After a lot of thought, there’s only one answer: Sheetz just is the better place for a quick bite…and a quick stop to piss without washing my hands (um, my dick isn’t dirty, idiots).
Anyway, I can see I’ve got lot notifications on Twitter, so I guess I’ll stop bragging before all the Wawa fanboys get worked up. You try to reason with people, but, when it comes down to it, sometimes they just don’t want to accept the truth.
