MONROEVILLE — Local man Bob Hucko has excitedly announced that gatherers at his Memorial Day cookout may serve themselves now that the entree of heavily blackened chicken has been prepared “to world-class perfection.”
“It’s supposed to look like that,” Hucko said, rapidly chewing a bite of a drumstick before pulling out a scorched piece of tin foil he mistook for skin. “That black crust is what seals in the flavor, though I don’t expect amateur grillers to know a master technique like that. Anyway, as the Italians say, bon appétit.”
Hucko, who only cooks for holiday events, complimented the restraint of his guests not to overindulge on his “star entree.”
“Nice of everybody to hover around the veggie and fruit tray [neighbor] Bill brought,” he said, throwing a drumstick back onto the grill after seeing a small spot of only dark brown. “That should really brighten his spirits since I don’t think he can cook a lick himself. Ultimately, the real winners are going to be the people who come later: when that chicken and my homemade mayo-based potato salad get a few hours to sit in the sun, that’s when the real nuances of taste come out.”
Hucko’s wife Sandra provided a conflicting report regarding her husband’s self-proclaimed skill in the kitchen.
“He’s a true culinary wonder all right,” she said, slathering barbecue sauce onto a sliver of meat she picked off. “I don’t think I’ve ever met another person who could burn soup or make store-bought pudding that turned out crunchy. I guess I shouldn’t expected any less from a man who chose his ‘go-to dish’ because it was on sale at Shop N’ Save for $1.99 a pound.”
As of press time, Hucko was reportedly concerned that the kids in attendance were eating too much after “out of nowhere” having to order another couple pizzas for the third time today.
