Philadelphia Flyers’ new mascot Gritty awaits formal charges on two counts of assault and battery in a local jail, only several hours after his public introduction, police sources recently confirmed.
“I’ve seen some strange stuff happen in my time here,” said Philadelphia Police Commissioner Richard Ross Jr., calling Gritty’s language upon his arrest some of the “most abusive” he has ever heard. “Never had a belligerent orange fuzzball on Broad Street beating a couple seniors half to death with a tire iron, though.”
“As for Gritty’s terrorist threats aimed at the public transit authority, well, those are still under investigation.”
Witness accounts claim that the Flyers’ new addition was walking down Broad Street after his first formal appearance, allegedly spitting on any child that asked for an autograph or a hug. Bystanders reported that two senior males attempted to intervene, at which point Gritty began to strike the men violently with a blunt object.
Jail sources do not expect Gritty to comment on the incident today after he was put into solitary confinement for starting a battery fight in the facility’s cafeteria.
