OAKLAND — No investor, staff member, or anyone associated with Arby’s has “an inkling of a goddamn clue” how one of its franchises managed to fit into the Bridge on Forbes luxury apartment building near Pitt campus, confused sources report.
“Even the new kids know by September where to get loaded on cheap beer and grab $6 pizza on the way back,” said shift manager Victoria Pullman. “At that point, most our sales come from guilt purchases when somebody wants to use the bathroom or liquored-up teenagers ordering 60 Chicken McNuggets. I imagine there’s very little crossover between people paying $1400 a month for a studio apartment and teary-eyed loners taking beef and cheddars to the face.”
As of press time, sources say a new resident had considered stopping in the restaurant for food, but, “to save face,” ordered it via Door Dash to be delivered to his fourth-floor apartment instead.
