Las Vegas Knights goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury appears to be riding an unmistakable trajectory right back to the black and gold of Pittsburgh.
That sounds good, right? You clicked this already, so why not just, you know, scroll around a bit, maybe tap a few ads? We got some other nostalgia-driven articles you might like, too: like, Rod Woodson’s opinion on the Steelers secondary or some shit. Honestly, we don’t spend that much time on them, so it’s easy to forget.
Quotes from Fleury’s agent? Sources within the organization? We’re not the Associated Press, we’re covering sports. Half of our job is to say things that are virtually impossible or patently false and hope you numb nuts get such a hard-on from it, you’ll click the link only to realize your wet dream of reliving local sports success of 2008 is nothing but a Playstation-enabled illusion.
Listen, we’re sorry. Please don’t go. It’s just that, you know, nobody — including you, numb nuts — pays for content anymore, so we most of hours are spent avoiding the locker room and instead coming up with the most absurd angles we can in hopes that you’ll love or hate it enough to share it with your own shitty hot take.
If you don’t like it, well, suck one jabroni. Madden would say something like that, right? Yeah, that sounds about right. If it’s not, be sure to comment on it multiple times, perhaps snooping around a few hundred articles on our site and leaving your thoughts in the comments section.
OK, we get it: it’s been long enough. We appreciate your even making it this far. If 19,000 more people do this, we might have enough money raised to get our paychecks on time.
Anyway, check back soon to see our latest story on a secret weapon the Pens have up their sleeve at wing: anybody ever heard of guy named — oh, I don’t know — Jagr?
Of course it’s not real. Jesus, did you even read the body? You know who would have read it? New Steelers head coach Bill Cowher…maybe.
