PITTSBURGH — With the departure of Jack Johnson and Matt Murray, Penguins newcomer Cody Ceci expressed confidence this morning in his ability to fill the team’s substantial need at scapegoat for the 2021-2022 season.
“Obviously, expectations are high here,” he said, nodding contently at mentions on Twitter calling him “Jack Junior.” “I can’t be happy just taking the heat for a goal against after Geno coughs the puck up trying to walk a guy on our own blue line or when Tanger takes a bad penalty. I was brought in here to do more: to absorb every drop of this fan base’s unrealistic standard for a team who’s three stars are 33 or older.”
“If just one person utters something like, ‘They’ve won enough; let’s just enough them while we can,’ then, frankly, I’m not doing my job.”
The coaching staff believes Ceci’s track record speaks for itself.
“The guy has got all the tools to be a real contributor in delusional tirades on social media,” said assistant Todd Rierden. “Really lucky to have him; it’s not every day you get a former first-round pick playing 12 minutes a night to pin your problems on. We saw what he did given heavy minutes absorbing blame in Ottawa and Toronto, so we have no doubt he’ll fit right in on the bottom pairing that’s been so vital to how fans pass the buck over the years.”
With minimal cap space, coaches indicated they’re “looking internally” for new players to step up and fill the coveted “Guy We Can Trade for Other Teams’ Best Player” and “Guy Whose Name You Can Cheer for by Booing” positions.
