SOUTH SIDE – Local bargoer and self-described “champion of the environment” Bart Elliott would gladly finish the remaining several ounces of your domestic draft beer “if you ain’t gonna,” according to sources shouting “Now this is music!” every time an AC/DC or Black Sabbath song comes on the jukebox.
“Do you know one out of every three ounces of beer goes unconsumed?” Elliot recently asked, without evidence, after you spent five minutes eating your appetizer instead of guzzling your beer. “My buddy Doug can barely catch a buzz crushing a six-pack in 17 minutes, yet Americans leave massive volumes of essential alcohol on the bar every day. Well, ol’ Bart here is ready to fight back for Mother Booze – or Earth, whatever – you know, if you ain’t planning on killing that.”
As of press time, Elliott had reportedly intensified efforts to include you in his work to support the environment by asking you to drop him off on your way home.
Not all heroes wear capes