Iowa men’s basketball supporters found themselves embarrassed by the constant cursing, taunting, and generally unlikable disposition of a fellow fan during the team’s 69–68 win last night against Pitt, university sources revealed this morning.
“I didn’t think you could combine that many four-letter words into one massive vulgarity, but this guy pulled it off without a hitch — eleven times, by my count,” said Iowa fan Sally Wolfe. “I want our boys to win as much as anyone, but let’s do it with a bit of pride. Did he really have to tell the opposing coach [Jeff Capel] to ‘suck it hard, Duke boy’ every time we scored?”
“I’ve also never seen a man spit so much when he yells in my life,” she added, reactively wiping her forehead. “What a disgrace.”
Spectators noted that there seemed to be a personal streak to the angry fan’s tirades.
“He kept pointing to players on the other team, stating exactly how much time each of them had supposedly taken off his life,” said fan Rick Walk. “Not sure what happened against Virginia [whom Pitt lost to 37-66 at home], but it was enough that he felt the need to make T-shirts for each of the players with their game stats on it. At least he did his homework on the other team, I guess.”
Ultimately, the team’s closest supporters hope that the unidentified man is held responsible for his behavior.
“Listen, I don’t care how much you love our team — you can’t hold up your two middle fingers to the opposing point guard, much less moon their head coach,” said long-time booster Red Washington. “And I don’t know who this Heather Lyke is, but I hope she gets herself some legal counsel because, if you ask me, you shouldn’t be allowed to say some of those things about anybody in public. I’m still blushing.”
Unlike the fan in question, Washington spoke highly of Pitt players and staff.
“They were clearly well-organized,” he said. “Even with a lot of freshmen, they pushed our boys to the limit. A credit to their Jeff Capel, and I wish them the best, especially after last year. I heard their previous coach was a real dick.”
