In light of the Steelers 17-10 win against the Patriots, the family of Brookline resident Richard Crawford intends to milk his exceptionally good mood of every last drop in fear of his potentially surly affect following the team’s game next Sunday, frantic sources reported this morning.
“All right, kids, you know the drill,” shouted his wife Samantha to their two kids as she unpacked a long list she keeps concealed for “special occasions” that consist primarily of major victories for Pittsburgh sports teams. “We have to make the most of this week before Drew Brees throws nine touchdowns against the Steelers and your father breaks the TV with a beer bottle again, so get moving!”
Mrs. Crawford then revealed a series of activities and chores she hopes to fit in before next week’s 4:25 p.m. kickoff.
“I’ve been dying to go to DiAnoia’s down in the Strip for months now,” she said, calling the restaurant to make sure her husband will have no access to sports programming that may discuss the game against the Saints. “If I remind him just how good the defense seemed to look, maybe I can even smooth-talk him into going to a movie with me and the kids tomorrow instead of attending his weekly ‘Steelers improvement forum’ at the bar.”
“All I know is that I’m fucking sick of having to wait to put new curtains up so that he can show me his drunk buddy Frank’s ‘innovative’ new defensive schemes, so I had better pencil that in for Wednesday at the latest,” she added.
Crawford’s kids shared this level of preparation, hoping to score emotional value from their father’s good spirits as much as materialistic gain.
“I could probably get a new iPhone in my hands tomorrow if I really wanted,” said his 13-year-old daughter Samantha, “but honestly I’d much rather have quality time talking instead of putting all his Steelers merchandise in trash bags out back only to bring them back in by Thursday. Maybe he can even help me with my Social Studies homework without comparing government gridlock to the inefficiency of the Steelers’ clock management and challenges this week.”
Also considering needs beyond this week, Mrs. Crawford is currently on hold with Verizon to verify that her husband won’t be able to make outgoing calls to Mark Madden’s radio show starting Monday.
