Category: Snapshot (Page 1 of 4)
As of press time, the hologram had reportedly interrupted his performance of ‘My Way’ “for just a brief moment” to talk to the crowd about Gutter Helmet.
BALDWIN — Middle school history teacher Paul Middleford reminded his summer school students this morning that there will be no pizza party to celebrate the end of their post-year program until they’ve completed the “critical” unit on WWE’s 1998 Hell in a Cell event held in Pittsburgh, according to exasperated sources filling in blank quotes from Jim Ross.
“It’s like, we get it, Mr. M,” said eighth-grader Tony Adams. “I promise never to forget, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident,’ ‘I have a dream,’ and ‘As God is my witness, he is broken in half.’ We brought enough thumbtacks for the life-size model you wanted, can we just have some Pepsi and a half slice of greasy pizza now?”
As of press time, the class was reportedly groaning as Middleford requested a volunteer to wear the cowboy hat “just one last time.”
In light of the perilous road conditions, KDKA viewers should ensure that they demonstrate the utmost level of recklessness when tagging the station at numerous points during this morning’s commute, according to salivating sources staring at ratings reports.
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“Listen, chief, wherefore art thou Romeo?” asked Juliet impatiently. “Your dad’s a dick; just say you’re somebody else, aight?”
As of press time, Romeo had reportedly drunk poison thinking Juliet had taken her own life the same way. Sources say, however, she was just passed out from “pounding too much 151.”
No word from Fetterman whether he intends to pursue criminal charges at this time.
