Category: Sports (Page 9 of 10)

In light of the Steelers 17-10 win against the Patriots, the family of Brookline resident Richard Crawford intends to milk his exceptionally good mood of every last drop in fear of his potentially surly affect following the team’s game next Sunday, frantic sources reported this morning.

A ‘game day prep basket’ of malt liquor, lottery tickets, and an adult magazine arrived at Pat Narduzzi’s hotel room this morning, allegedly sent by former coach Dave Wannstedt to help Narduzzi get ready for today’s ACC Championship game, hesitantly thankful sources recently reported.

Iowa men’s basketball supporters found themselves embarrassed by the constant cursing, taunting, and generally unlikable disposition of a fellow fan during the team’s 69–68 win last night against Pitt, university sources revealed this morning.

The Pittsburgh Penguins have placed goaltender Matt Murray on long-term injured reserve to return him to the manufacturer for warranty repairs, GM Jim Rutherford confirmed today before assembled media.

Michigan native Le’Veon Bell has reportedly quit his position at a large Pittsburgh-based operation after upper management refused to approve his paid time off, ending a long-standing conflict between the employee and various personnel within the company.

The Pittsburgh Penguins brought in a local exorcist to PPG Paints Arena today to drive out stubborn or otherwise inept spirits of years past believed to be contributing to their poor play of late, according to sources close to the situation.

Penguins goalie Mutt Murray returned to practice today in a non-contact bubble designed to protect him from any collision, puck, minor inconsistency in the ice surface, airborne illness, or slight breeze that could cause injury.