We’d like to welcome back long-time contributor, Newport Nebby.
She shouts things at us during her smoke breaks and demands we dictate them for print, the same way she’s been doing the job for the last 24 years. She is ‘grandfathered’ as the only person allowed to smoke at 131 different local establishments.
Her bold takes and colorful language give our editorial section a uniquely local flavor that usually only requires 5-8 replacements for particular vulgarities.
landlord-looking guy come up to me the other day and tell me, listen neb we raisin your rent. and im like, first off buddy, the hell you doin outside my apartment lurkin round like some sort of creep—he didn’t even knock or nothin—and the fuck you mean you raisin my rent I been here for bout 8 years now ain’t cause no problems always on time with my bills and this son of a bitch wants to go and raise my rent. He sez well people seent you with that dog and we got extra fees n stuff if you gonna have a dog wit you and I tell you what I was about to crack him right there in that shiny dome of his but I took a breath because I’m a grownup you know? I aint starting fights for no reason so I just lookt him in the eyes and said nuh-uh. Don’tchu even start this shit with me buster. I talked to one guy, ace or larry or mark, or whatever just what six months ago about me and my little princess peanut here and he told me right to my face neb we appreciate how long you been here and you aint shown us nothin but good things long as I known you. You and peanut is good for long as I got this job. Well here I find out it’s ace or jim or whatever’s nephew I don’t know his name was buford or bryson or some silly ass shit like that anyway little 31 year old hotshot over here thinks he runs the show now, thinks he calls the shots. I lookt him dead in the eyes and told him hey pal I was on this earth already when you was brung into it and if I needta ill take you right back out of it. He got all red and run off after that one. Little newsflash braden or bradley or whatever: you can try to take the bitch out the north side but you ain’t ever gonna take the north side out the bitch and if I get my way you ain’t doin neither!
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