Don’t move a muscle, young man! Yeah, that’s right, you heard me. I can’t tell other people’s kids what to do, but so long as you live under my roof, you’ve got to follow my rules, understood? And I’ll tell you what: I’ll be cold and dead in the ground before I ever—ever—let any flesh and blood of mine be caught at a Pride parade in that disgraceful blue and silver of the Dallas Cowboys. I’m just glad your mother isn’t home to see this.

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