BREEZEWOOD — Local father Dan Porter has terrified his wife, kids, and grandchildren on their drive to the eastern shore by making “sincere, straight-faced” threats to stop in Breezewood, Pennsylvania for an undisclosed duration, according to sources pleading that they are neither hungry nor need to use the restroom.
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As a guy from State College, I’ve seen the extreme ends of convenience store loyalty. Parties I’ve gone to have nearly burst into all-out civil war at the suggestion that Sheetz or Wawa puts together a superior Nacho Grande to the other.
Now, finally, I think I’ve helped settle this age-old battle once for all.
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PITTSBURGH — Officials at the Allegheny County Health Department issued an “urgent reminder” this morning for Sheetz customers to wash their hands thoroughly after they leave a smear of shit on the seat in one of the chain’s numerous locations in the region.
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MURRYSVILLE — Long-time Sheetz manager Robert McGrane tearfully revealed to shift staff this morning his recent diagnosis of colon shmancer, sources asking that everybody act as if everything were “totally shnormal” confirmed.
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