OAKLAND — Local resident Rick Bollinger declared this morning that he refused to let several inches of snow that fell overnight ruin the day’s “special” schedule of excessive drinking, despite his doing so nearly every day for more than three decades.
“Ain’t every day you can let loose and crack a few beers without worrying about shit you got to get done,” said Bollinger, who, according to neighborhood sources, leveraged yesterday’s Penguins win, and subsequent celebration, to drink a 12-pack of Lionshead while blasting Motley Crue in his garage. “When else do I get to hang with the guys and toss back a few extra pounders if not on St. Paddy’s Day? Well, outside Steelers and Pitt football games, of course…and Pens games…and when that sweet 80s metal cover band plays at Jergel’s…or when Bobby’s kid’s team makes the WPIAL playoffs…and Thursdays, but the wife usually joins us, so when she has to carry me home instead of Frank, it’s more a couples thing than hanging out.”
As of press time, Bollinger was reportedly sitting at the bar “he barely ever has time for anymore,” where he was served a shot, beer, and bowl of peanuts without saying a word.
