The NHL trade deadline is less than a week away, and real fans everywhere — especially the lonely guy in the NHL-licensed Penguins beanie occupying the bar stool beside you — are fervently discussing what surprises might await as the season enters its final quarter-lap towards the playoffs.
So if you really are a fan, then you should already know these four completely untrue, unreasonable, or virtually impossible things about the Penguins that this man about to attack-talk you at the bar will suggest is Biblical fact anyway.
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