BALDWIN — Middle school history teacher Paul Middleford reminded his summer school students this morning that there will be no pizza party to celebrate the end of their post-year program until they’ve completed the “critical” unit on WWE’s 1998 Hell in a Cell event held in Pittsburgh, according to exasperated sources filling in blank quotes from Jim Ross.
“It’s like, we get it, Mr. M,” said eighth-grader Tony Adams. “I promise never to forget, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident,’ ‘I have a dream,’ and ‘As God is my witness, he is broken in half.’ We brought enough thumbtacks for the life-size model you wanted, can we just have some Pepsi and a half slice of greasy pizza now?”
As of press time, the class was reportedly groaning as Middleford requested a volunteer to wear the cowboy hat “just one last time.”
