EASTON, N.J. — Sections of the Monongahela River running through Pittsburgh recently inspired crayon institution Crayola to create its latest shade of “uniquely off-putting” brown, representatives at the company announced this morning.
“Coloring should encompass both the surreal and the ordinary,” said Crayola spokesperson Anita Wong. “Some people, for instance, want to depict the swirling stew of colors that makes up our galaxy, whereas others would like to capture some more familiar: say, a house or maybe a river full of sediment and a bunch of other shit people throw in there. Now, thanks to the Mon, people everywhere can bring their favorite muddy, environmentally compromised waterway to life!”
According to Adam Henry of Crayola’s innovation team, they heavily considered adding an element of surprise in the new crayon.
“There were serious discussions whether to mix occasional speckles of random colors in with the brown,” he said. “We thought it could provide a level of spontaneity to the process. A spot of light gray could be an Iron City bottle or a chunk of blue might represent a cooler somebody angrily threw overboard after the Steelers blew it in the fourth quarter.”
“We even weighed blending in larger patches of green and darker browns to reflect the untreated sewer discharge that overflows in the rivers during torrential storms,” he added.
Executives reportedly decided against the variations, but may revisit the concepts in a city-based series. Sources say the line would introduce several new colors, including a red representative of sitting in traffic on 28 and a green modeled after the face of somebody who accidentally swallowed water from the fountain in Point State Park.
(Photo credit: @Chopper11Pilot — that’s right; that chopper!)
