EASTON, N.J. — Weather around Pittsburgh on Christmas Eve and Day inspired crayon institution Crayola to create its latest shade of “uniquely depressing” gray, representatives at the company announced this morning.
“Coloring should include both the vibrant and the hopelessly drab,” said Crayola spokesperson Anita Wong, who discussed the company’s addition of a new brown based on the Monongahela River in July (link). “Some people, for instance, want to illustrate a flourishing scene of spring or summer, bursting with life, while others might want to depict a graveyard or the feeling of being empty inside. Now, thanks to Pittsburgh’s blanket of bleakness, people everywhere can visually represent what seasonal affective disorder feels like!”
Wong noted that the color tested very well in areas where the company previously had not experienced much success.
“We’ve discovered that it’s incredibly useful in therapy,” she said, showing a test participant’s picture that consisted entirely of new gray with the label “My Life.” “Pittsburgh Christmas just seems to hit the spot — not just for the person who feels directionless and uninspired, but also the nihilistic transitioning from black to something only slightly less representative of the void within in their art sessions.”
Depending on how the new hue fares, the company may consider a whole line of Pittsburgh grays, with titles including, “It’s Raining Again,” “Mon Valley,” and “It’s May, for Fuck Sake.”
