STUCK BEHIND A FOUR-DOOR SEDAN — Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin ensnared himself in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the northbound side of Veterans Bridge late yesterday afternoon, prompting analysts once more to question his ability to manage the clock in crucial situations.
Continue readingCategory: Current Events (Page 10 of 12)
OAKLAND — Citing concerns for public disruption and safety, South and North Oakland residents have jointly renewed their petition to cull the area’s overgrown freshmen population now during its prime migration period, neighborhood sources confirmed today.
Continue reading
BLOOMFIELD — Little Italy Days visitor Paul Hillman reportedly looks most forward to trying the “authentically Italian” collision coverage offered by State Farm.
Continue reading
NORTH SHORE — Owners of the Bloomfield Shursave IGA on Liberty Ave. intend to acquire the naming rights to Heinz Field at the conclusion of the 2021 season, according to sources reminding customers that dice games are forbidden in the parking lot.
Continue reading
DOWNTOWN, NORTH SHORE — Adding to the fervor of the Picklesburgh event, Kraft Heinz announced today it plans to release a pickle-based sex toy by the end of 2019.
Continue reading
WEST MIFFLIN — Kennywood Park faces further controversy this morning after observant visitors noticed the park serving several different brands of beer to minors other than local favorite Iron City.
Continue reading
Emboldened by a petition to remake the final season of Game of Thrones with new writers, a group of Steelers fans has launched a petition demanding the NFL let the team re-play its 2018-2019 season with “competent coaches that don’t suck shit.”
Continue reading
The Norman family of Edgewood attended Kennywood’s opening day for season pass members this morning to mark another year of wishing they had planned a trip to Disney World instead, sources trying to sound happy confirmed.
Continue reading
Pirates broadcaster Greg Brown gave a moving guest sermon this Easter morning on how Christ rose from the dead to “absolutely hammer” a 483-foot home run that secured a Pirates victory in extra innings, puzzled but enthused sources reported.
Continue reading
In an impassioned speech in Oakland Sunday, Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders once again advocated for a universal healthcare program in the United States and the return of “old-school, hard-nosed” Big East basketball.
Continue reading
