DOWNTOWN, NORTH SHORE — Adding to the fervor of the Picklesburgh event, Kraft Heinz announced today it plans to release a pickle-based sex toy by the end of 2019.
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WEST MIFFLIN — Kennywood Park faces further controversy this morning after observant visitors noticed the park serving several different brands of beer to minors other than local favorite Iron City.
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Emboldened by a petition to remake the final season of Game of Thrones with new writers, a group of Steelers fans has launched a petition demanding the NFL let the team re-play its 2018-2019 season with “competent coaches that don’t suck shit.”
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The Norman family of Edgewood attended Kennywood’s opening day for season pass members this morning to mark another year of wishing they had planned a trip to Disney World instead, sources trying to sound happy confirmed.
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Pirates broadcaster Greg Brown gave a moving guest sermon this Easter morning on how Christ rose from the dead to “absolutely hammer” a 483-foot home run that secured a Pirates victory in extra innings, puzzled but enthused sources reported.
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In an impassioned speech in Oakland Sunday, Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders once again advocated for a universal healthcare program in the United States and the return of “old-school, hard-nosed” Big East basketball.
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Mt. Washington resident and “pure-bred Irish sweet talker” Mac Moore managed to charm his way into a disorderly conduct charge this morning during the city’s St. Patrick’s Day celebration, astounded friends of the 33-year-old confirmed.
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Stuck at yet another Pittsburgh-based fish fry for Lent, Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ admitted he “would totally kill a man in cold blood right now” in return for a steak wedgie from Angelo’s in Bloomfield.
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Post-Gazette publisher John Block and his wife spent their Valentine’s Day evening romantically feasting on the blood of a slain common man, the couple fondly reflected upon this morning.
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KDKA will address the firing of a staffer for his lack of “journalistic responsibility” this evening right after 20 minutes of traffic updates and a squirrel on water skis, station sources recently reported.
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