NORTH SHORE — Pirates management reportedly celebrated this morning that PNC Park will host a lineup “even more over the hill” than theirs when the Green Day, Fall Out Boy, and Weezer tour heads there on August 15, 2020.
Continue readingCategory: Current Events (Page 10 of 12)
OAKLAND, Calif. — Former Raiders WR Antonio Brown commissioned a billboard this morning thanking the city for “not a single goddamn thing” following his release from the team, sources waving the middle finger while leaving town report.
“May my shining legacy,” Brown stated, “be how much I wish the people of Oakland and the Raiders organization in particular to eat shit for all eternity.”
As of press time, Derek Carr was reportedly begging Brown to stop and let him get out from under his rear tires.
STUCK BEHIND A FOUR-DOOR SEDAN — Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin ensnared himself in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the northbound side of Veterans Bridge late yesterday afternoon, prompting analysts once more to question his ability to manage the clock in crucial situations.
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OAKLAND — Citing concerns for public disruption and safety, South and North Oakland residents have jointly renewed their petition to cull the area’s overgrown freshmen population now during its prime migration period, neighborhood sources confirmed today.
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BLOOMFIELD — Little Italy Days visitor Paul Hillman reportedly looks most forward to trying the “authentically Italian” collision coverage offered by State Farm.
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NORTH SHORE — Owners of the Bloomfield Shursave IGA on Liberty Ave. intend to acquire the naming rights to Heinz Field at the conclusion of the 2021 season, according to sources reminding customers that dice games are forbidden in the parking lot.
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DOWNTOWN, NORTH SHORE — Adding to the fervor of the Picklesburgh event, Kraft Heinz announced today it plans to release a pickle-based sex toy by the end of 2019.
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WEST MIFFLIN — Kennywood Park faces further controversy this morning after observant visitors noticed the park serving several different brands of beer to minors other than local favorite Iron City.
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Emboldened by a petition to remake the final season of Game of Thrones with new writers, a group of Steelers fans has launched a petition demanding the NFL let the team re-play its 2018-2019 season with “competent coaches that don’t suck shit.”
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The Norman family of Edgewood attended Kennywood’s opening day for season pass members this morning to mark another year of wishing they had planned a trip to Disney World instead, sources trying to sound happy confirmed.
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