PITTSBURGH AND SURROUNDING AREAS — In light of rising temperatures and unrelenting downpours, residents in the region have started transitioning to the latest spring trends in the seasonal affective disorder cycle, sources wishing they had just stayed home confirm.
Continue readingCategory: Current Events (Page 8 of 12)
MUNHALL — Insisting he’s had enough for a whole family, local man Rudy Geller couldn’t “even think about” getting any more commitment to Christ at a local fish fry this afternoon, the 52-year-old recently confirmed.
Continue reading
MOUNT WASHINGTON — Hoping to avoid “looking cliche,” 79 guys lingering near the Grandview Overlook on Mt. Washington with their girlfriend reportedly plan to continue doing so until somebody else proposes first.
Continue reading
BROOKLINE — Vehement racist Jack Waldermann “can’t wait” for his chance to explain to video maker Dean Bog how his neighborhood “is like one big, loving family,” the 51-year-old reported Sunday between thinly-veiled euphemisms for his incredible level of prejudice.
Continue reading
EASTON, N.J. — Weather around Pittsburgh on Christmas Eve and Day inspired crayon institution Crayola to create its latest shade of “uniquely depressing” gray, representatives at the company announced this morning.
Continue reading
Welcome to Pittsburgh Unfiltered’s Santa Tracker 2019! We spent the night hunting down this wily son of a bitch to give you the most accurate updates on where Santa’s been and how his annual visit is faring. Find out for yourself below!
Continue reading
PITTSBURGH AND SURROUNDING AREAS — Calling the move “the beginning of the end of climate change,” representatives of Giant Eagle announced today the company will phase out its one-item-per-bag policy to allow as many as two items per bag.
Continue reading
PITTSBURGH AND SURROUNDING AREAS — Thrift store chain Goodwill reminded potential donors around Southwestern Pennsylvania this morning that their stores cannot accept torn clothing, inoperable appliances and electronics, or Mason Rudolph jerseys, according to sources who haven’t “seen this kind of mayhem since the great O’Donnell purge of 1996.”
Continue reading
DOWNTOWN PITTSBURGH — A local judge issued introverted felon Seth Larson a sentence this morning of up to nine minutes in person at this Friday’s Light Up Night, aghast sources barely managed to confirm before fainting.
Continue reading
CRAFTON — Sports journalist Dejan Kovacevic promised the family of a recently deceased opioid addict this morning that he “won’t back down” until Mayor Bill Peduto takes meaningful action to combat “the vicious cycle of suffering” perpetuated by the Pittsburgh Pirates’ current ownership, according to sources fiercely vowing Derek Bell will never harm anyone in this town again.
Continue reading
