PITTSBURGH — The NHL announced this afternoon it will suspend the regular season due to the Coronavirus, reportedly crushing local dad Michael Hupp’s plans to take his kids to their first Pens game before insisting they leave to beat traffic halfway in.
“Nothing tops watching live hockey for the first time,” said Hupp. “It’s truly the greatest 30 or so minutes before hoofing it to the garage life has to offer. All I wanted was to see the joy in my kids’ eyes as we enjoyed a smooth, unobstructed ride on the Parkway and I explained how the Pens never come back from 3-2 partway through the second, anyway, but now it’s ruined.”
Before the Coronavirus-induced suspension, Hupp claimed he intended to do anything, “outside getting caught in a two-hour shit show to get on the highway,” to make the event extra special for his two children.
“We were going to head down two hours early to get a space in the garage right next to the arena,” he said. “Then, $300 on limited-edition jerseys? Sure. $75 on chicken tenders and milkshakes? You got it. You name it and I was ready to do it so that my boys would never forget me telling them next day that Crosby scored a spin-o-rama backhander to win the game 7-6 in overtime.”
“There’s always next year, but I urge parents to cherish these experiences with your kids while you can,” he continued. “One day, you’ll be hurrying them out of the seats before a crucial power play and later you’ll realize that was the last commercial break in the middle the second period you ever spent together.”
