UPPER SAINT CLAIR — Upon entering the state’s green phase, members of Upper St. Clair residential plan Whisper Hollow announced this morning that their collective efforts have ensured the neighborhood “contains not a single trace” of COVID-19 or persons who in any identifiable way deviate from the norm.
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PITTSBURGH — Is the local economy collapsing? Researchers suggest it may be after another week of uncertainty forced only a dozen new craft breweries to open in the area, marking a substantial drop from the 39 that opened over the same period last week.
Continue readingOh my God, did you hear?! The O, an absolute legend for Pitt students and grads like me, is closing! It’s so sad that I might start crying. I mean, yeah, I would never go in there and actually buy food or anything, but I still didn’t want it to, like, shut down for good.
Continue readingOAKLAND — In a touching display, a mourner set a half-empty 40 of malt liquor and pile of grease-laden french fries on the Original Hot Dog Shop’s doorstep as a memorial to the now-closed eatery.
Continue readingHAZELWOOD — The local community celebrated today after discovering property poacher Rick Gilmour mauled to death by the very woman whose home he was targeting to flip and rent at more than twice the average rate in the area, sources kicking the body “for good measure” confirm.
Continue readingWEST VIEW — Lifelong resident and Guy Fieri lookalike Griff Ferrani has reportedly started a new YouTube series mimicking “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” in which he forgoes eateries to visit exclusively local dive bars.
Continue readingMOUNT WASHINGTON — Hoping to avoid “looking cliche,” 79 guys lingering near the Grandview Overlook on Mt. Washington with their girlfriend reportedly plan to continue doing so until somebody else proposes first.
Continue readingBROOKLINE — Vehement racist Jack Waldermann “can’t wait” for his chance to explain to video maker Dean Bog how his neighborhood “is like one big, loving family,” the 51-year-old reported Sunday between thinly-veiled euphemisms for his incredible level of prejudice.
Continue readingWelcome to Pittsburgh Unfiltered’s Santa Tracker 2019! We spent the night hunting down this wily son of a bitch to give you the most accurate updates on where Santa’s been and how his annual visit is faring. Find out for yourself below!
Continue readingSTRIP DISTRICT — Local woman Nicole Steadman is reportedly waiting to ask a vendor in the Strip District if they have their ‘Fuck Tom Brady’ T-shirt in kids sizes after determining it to be the ideal Christmas gift for her seven-year-old niece.
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