Admittedly “getting a little carried away,” food giant Kraft Heinz announced the release of their latest crossover that blends the best elements of ketchup and third-wave ska band Mustard Plug.
Continue readingCategory: Nonsense (Page 16 of 18)
Whoa, come on, guys! Why the long faces? Yeah, I know, I know — the Penguins lost. Man, they really stunk up the joint, huh? But listen, before you start talking about disappointment this and underachieving that, let me hit you with a quick reminder: it’s not about the underwhelming destination, fellas; it’s about all the squandered hours, miserable hangovers, and thousands upon thousands of dollars you coughed up along the way.
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When you prepare to start the grind that is the NHL playoffs, bad news is the last thing you want.
That’s what the Penguins got this morning, however, as top winger Jake Guentzel has reportedly consumed nothing over the last three days but his signature milkshake from The Milkshake Factory, potentially limiting his impact on tonight’s opening-round matchup against the New York Islanders.
Continue readingHockey has always been heralded as a grueling, demanding sport, encapsulated perfectly by the 82-game grind that makes up the NHL regular season. Indeed, it is a time of unmatched highs, lows, and unchecked emotion.
The players probably get pretty worked up, too.
Did you love the 1993 dramatic comedy “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray? Were you on the edge of your seat wondering if jaded news anchor Phil Connors would ever find a way out of his existential prison?
If so, you’ve surely been pining over the years for a sequel that almost certainly will never come. But fret no more! Who needs the silver screen when the theater’s otherworldly allure appears in real life — in our very city, no less?! Such is the fate of Clint Hurdle, who, no matter what he does, has woken up every day for more than eight years now to find he is still manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates.
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New Raiders WR Antonio Brown has purchased a billboard in the Los Angeles area to help cultivate a combative relationship with quarterback Derek Carr before practices even begin, the star reported this morning.
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Bills QB Josh Allen canceled a rush delivery order of several books on the topic of conflict resolution this morning after reports surfaced that Steelers WR Antonio Brown had blocked a trade to Buffalo, sources sighing in relief recently reported.
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Penguins winger Phil Kessel celebrated tallying his 1200th career large pizza last night during the team’s 3-2 overtime win against the Florida Panthers.
“I just have so many people I want to thank,” he said, covered in an array of sweat, tears, and garlic butter. “All my friends and family for always believing I could consume this many large pies entirely on my own, Domino’s for its relentless commitment to delivering pizzas to me in arenas and hotels dotted throughout the continent, and of course the Penguins organization for helping me aim to binge-eat at the highest level these past for years.”
Meanwhile, team captain Sidney Crosby reportedly rewarded himself for reaching 1200 career points with a relaxing post-game CrossFit extreme workout.
Post-Gazette publisher John Block and his wife spent their Valentine’s Day evening romantically feasting on the blood of a slain common man, the couple fondly reflected upon this morning.
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Mayor Bill Peduto has allegedly stood outside Jeff Bezos’s house since early this morning, loudly reciting the Amazon mogul’s favorite tax concessions in hopes of winning him and his company back to the Pittsburgh area.
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