DOWNTOWN — Steelers fan Adam King, 31, played Styx favorite ‘Renegade’ at full volume earlier today in hopes of inspiring a comeback in the later stages of his third DUI hearing over the last several years, courtroom sources confirmed.
Continue readingCategory: Nonsense (Page 15 of 18)
EASTON, N.J. — Sections of the Monongahela River running through Pittsburgh recently inspired crayon institution Crayola to create its latest shade of “uniquely off-putting” brown, representatives at the company announced this morning.
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GREEN TREE — Citing the caller’s poor reasoning, blind support for team owners, and highly implausible trade suggestions, WXDX listeners have expressed their belief that “Jake from Highland Park” is finally the caller who will cause Mark Madden to enter cardiac arrest on air.
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DORMONT — Castle Shannon mother Darcy Brooks reportedly vocalized her outrage this morning after discovering a neighborhood breakfast spot offered alternative-brand condiments instead of supporting “everybody’s hometown favorite” $26.2-billion manufactured food corporation, the Kraft Heinz Company.
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NEW YORK — Baldwin resident Rick Balaski hosted a TED Talk yesterday, in which he contended that the stretches of intense warmth affecting places like Pittsburgh are more the result of humidity levels than “the heat all by itself.”
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FINLEYVILLE — Independent meme farmer Butch Muller, 36, anticipates he will have to cease operations after his crucial Phil Kessel crop was ruined by the winger’s trade to Arizona.
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Report: Pittsburgh to Become One Giant Luxury Apartment Complex by 2021
OAKLAND — Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh warned this morning that continual unabated commercial real estate development could result in the city becoming one massive luxury apartment complex by sometime in 2021.
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BOSTON — “Oppressed and outraged” Boston Bruins fans intend to host their own championship parade in response to the St. Louis Stanley Cup championship parade that began today at noon, according to sources asking passersby “what the fuck [they’re] looking at.”
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Emboldened by a petition to remake the final season of Game of Thrones with new writers, a group of Steelers fans has launched a petition demanding the NFL let the team re-play its 2018-2019 season with “competent coaches that don’t suck shit.”
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The fine people at Millcraft are on a mission — not just to plant a 15-acre entertainment zone along the Ohio River, but also to make its environmental impact a little friendlier for whoever is left to live in the city.
You heard it right: the $700 million Esplanade project will be powered solely through the very renewable energy source of people leaving Pittsburgh. What foresight!
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